Another one?!?! Really?!?

So now that I'm done ranting on predisposed judgements I'll get back to dishing on my personal life. I truly don't feel it's very exciting but many (some, a small few, probably no one) people may beg to differ. So with that being said my husband and I found out that we're expecting...AGAIN. This will be our 5th child. The baby will be due in February which will be nice because I won't have to endure my fattest months in the horrible Arizona heat. When the baby is born Avery (my oldest) will be a few months shy of turning 9, Syd will be 7, Colby will be 4 1/2, and Rusty will almost be 3. Of course the idea of completely starting over exhausts me just in thought but I always wanted a large family. I was lucky enough to find a partner that I could trick into having a bunch of kids with and now he's stuck with us.

Having a baby is not capricous to us. For one, I have to have another c-section and that really is a lot to deal with. When I had Rusty (besides all the other awful things that were happening in our lives) the incision to my c-section reopened. I had an extra long recovery and my husband had to "pack" my incision every night until it completely healed. I also have high risk pregnancies. This will actually be my 9th pregnancy. That being said when I look at my kids and I see them enjoy everything I desperately wanted as a child I can't help but be thrilled to expand our brood. I truly believe God believes enough in me that he's only going to give me what I can handle. Sometimes though I think he gets confused and gives me a hell of a lot of crap when I'm already drowning, hopefully this is not the case.

Overall I'm excited. I know this will be hard but what hasn't been? When I got pregnant with Rusty I thought everything in my life was on track. We owned a home, my husband had a good job, the kids were healthy, everything seemed perfect. When Rusty was born we lost our home, my husband lost his job, I lost 2 loved ones, I had surgery complications, I had postpartum psychosis, and Colby was diagnosed with Apraxia. We survived. We made it through. We'll make it through this and one day when it's all said and done I'll only remember the good times, good times and sleep depravation, but mostly good times.